The Haters Gonna Hate (Hate Hate Hate Hate)

Everyone is freaking out about Taylor Swift's new single, new album, new album title, new album cover, new mascara, new shoes, new boyfriend, new purse, and new shade of blood orange lipstick.

Let's just go with the theme that everything TaySwizz is now new.

She's definitely bringing a new sound with her latest single "Shake It Off."

It's catchy and upbeat and surprisingly not about a boy, heartache, love, or any of that. It's about her sticking it to all the asshats out there and yes... shaking it off.

The chorus is a mantra that will most likely pump through the earphones of women (and men comfortable with their sexuality) and put a little pep in their step. The radio will overplay it and nine year olds will create choreographed routines to it in basements. Moms will make their newborn babies shimmy to it and damn it all to hell if an all-male sports team doesn't make a viral video with synchronized dude dancing.

Sidebar: 

I do not like Taylor Swift.

Maybe it's because she's 2 years older than me and accomplished way more than I could ever hope and I'm a tad pissed.

Maybe it's because some of her songs lyrics make me think "This could be the worst thing for feminism since the sandwich."

Maybe it's her fling with Harry Styles.

Maybe it's because she's friends with Ed Sheeran and I'm not.

And I will tell you- it is all of these things a lot of things.

So I will say it again.

I do not like Taylor Swift.

BUT- I do like this song. More importantly I like the video. I love self-depricating humor. More importantly I love when celebrities participate in self-depricating humor. This video is a pretty little present wrapped in a bow as far as I'm concerned.

Swift is infamously known for her painfully white dance moves at award shows and her own concerts. I've seen her at a few Ed Sheeran shows and she makes me look like I could be in a Beyonce video (*sigh*).

In this video, she shakes what her momma gave her (awkward thrusting motions and glutes that practically concave into her abdomen) in various outfits in homage to all of the different dance styles she definitely, 100% cannot do.

First we have Ballet:

Hip Hop:

Lyrical/Contemporary:

The robot:

and whatever this is...

At some point in the video we see Stella getting her groove back/ Taylor assaulting people with said groove. Then we cut to...

Cheerleading...?:

...And a rap that probably, most definitely, did not need to be added to song.  But it will give twelve-year-olds so much street cred when they whip out their ability to match tone, pitch and cadence when their moms blast this over the mini van speakers.

Prediction: We will all download this song. And we will all regret that decision in less than a month. 

We'll probably wish our music libraries and this song will never ever ever get back together. Like...ever. 

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

Not saying my interest isn't piqued for this new album though... maybe I'll take "Taylor Swift" off of my Tumblr blacklist for a bit...see what happens.

You can shake your bon bon and watch the full video for "Shake It Off" here.