What.

Tonight's episode of Breaking Bad. 

What. 

It's Like They're Ripping The Side Block Out Of My Mental Jenga

Last week Walt broke our frail little hearts and hired Todd to kill Jesse.
Or did he hire Todd's uncle?
Is the guy really Todd's uncle or is it that kind of situation where he was just really good friends with Todd's parents so he just calls him his uncle?
Or did he work for him for so long that it's like "Dude, just call me your Uncle/ shady employer."?
This show makes me think so much sometimes I forget where I am.

This week Lydia's back, shaking like a Chihuahua in that fiercely blue peacoat.

Todd's uncle and his sidekick don tastefully placed swastika tattoos so we know exactly how much we are supposed to hate them.

The poor, pointy-forheaded lackey  thinks that the photo of Jesse and the fake brains is legit and sang like bird to Hank and Agent Gomez about a bunch of stuff I totally wasn't paying attention to.

"He's not a rat, he's just...angry." says Walt as Uncle Neo-Nazi questions him about Jesse being the target.

"What was the price per head last time?"

"One cook, after the job is done."

I can only use gifs of Jennifer Lawrence because  I'm THAT excited about Catching Fire coming out in  November.

Walt pays Andrea (Jesse's old flame) a visit while her son, Brock, munches on cereal and uses his kid intuition to figure out that Walt is the worse thing that could happen to his family at the moment.

I keep forgetting Hank has Jesse's Hello Kitty phone.
I keep forgetting Jesse even had a Hello Kitty phone.
I keep forgetting to pee during commercials and now kind of wish I had a Hello Kitty phone.

Saul and Junior finally meet and Skylar could not be more uncomfortable if Marie were wearing pink instead of a shade of violet or plum.

Jesse calls Walt and claims he's burning the barrels of money while I think he's really just sitting in Hank's living room getting joy from knowing Mr. White is racing across the state into the desert after those barrels of dough.

OR HE'S RIDING SHOTTY WITH HANK AND GOMEZ WHILE WALT HIDES BEHIND A ROCK.

The man is crying.
I'm crying...on the inside.

This is legitimately a game of man hunt.
Olly Olly Oxen Free, Walt.

Allow me to just point out the look of utter joy and excitement that spreads across Jesse's face as Walt is brought to his knees and handcuffed by his own brother-in-law.

WAIT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

UNCLE JACK STOP.

STOP UNCLE NEO-NAZI JACK.

DON'T DO IT YOU NECK-TATTED CRETIN.

I muted the TV.
I had to.
I just can't.

"I'll Heat Up A Lasagna"

I've been waiting all week for this episode. Last week left me emotionally unstable so I ended up binge watching about 4 seasons of Malcolm in the Middle.

So it all starts out with Walt stalking through his own house like a Lioness hunting for an antelope, only to discover his living room now smells like a Shell Station and Jesse is nowhere to be found.

Jesse's car is still out front with a disc perched on the dashboard...smeared with a white, powdered residue.

Once again, Bryan Cranston is frantic and in his tighty whiteys and all seems right with the world again.

Skylar and the kids come home and don't buy Walt's "pump malfunction" story for a second. They chalk it all up to being sick again and Heisenberg gets away with yet another life-threatening instance.

As soon as Saul whips out the Old Yeller reference I can feel the foreshadowing deep in my bones.

"Are you telling me that he tried to burn our house down?"

Skylar takes her cues from Cersei Lannister now.

Oh I get it now- we had Walt's perspective and now we get Jesse's.

HANK?!

HANK!

HANK.

Somebody sedate me.

Marie's in therapy "There's nothing to be done."

...Until she gets home and Jesse is crashing at Chateau Schrader.

"Is this is bad for Walt? Great, I'm staying. I'll heat up lasagna."

I was really hoping Junior would push Walt into the pool instead of going in for a hug. A girl can dream, can't she?

Back at Hank and Marie's place- Hell has apparently frozen over.

Let's just look at this scene for a hot second.

Jesse in Hank's living room.

Drinking coffee out of a DEA mug.

Marie handing him said mug.

That absolutely horrendous purple shag carpet.

A tripod and a video camera.

Can I ask WHAT THE HELL is with all of these confessionals? This isn't an episode of The Real World, put the cameras away guys.

Jesse agrees to meet up with Walt and wear a wire courtesy of Hank and Agent Gomez.
After spotting a suspicious thug near the meeting point, we get a sweet aerial shot that looks so much like a SIMS/ Rollercoaster Tycoon view, I felt like I should be purchasing virtual furniture to fill the negative space.

ja feel?

A threatening phone call is made and bing bang boom Walt hired a hit man to kill Jesse.

I can't.