Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Four Hours Of My Life That I Will Never Get Back: Part 2

Majestic Canada. The land I accidentally sing the Genovian National Anthem to.

I  like the way you climb on those beaver houses, Seany Boy.

Let it be known, where there is a Bachelor, there is a chateau.

This place looks amazing. I'll go to Canada. See some moose and eat some of their freaky round bacon.

Sign me up.

Catherine's Date

Cue universal eye roll. 
Polynesian Princess finally got a date!  Someone tell me what the hell is a snow bus.

He's like a hot Paul Bunyan.

"I never get cold...when I'm with him." 

Please refer to this as a play date again.

Go ahead.

Do it.

Igloo time.

Is it just me or is she incapable of making eye contact?

I'm sorry you had a traumatic childhood experience, but you're really annoying.

These Group Dates Will Go Well When Hell Freezes Over

More canoes.

I actually give Sarah a lot of credit for canoeing.

All jokes aside.

This ain't a scene- it's an arms race.

Last one. I promise.

Excusez moi, Polar Bear Plunge?

Canadian Lifeguard: "This water is really freakin' cold eh. So uh...there's a chance that yer gonna get some hypothermia right aboot the time you jump in the water there."

Foreshadow much ABC?

Sean just threw out a YOLO. He's a YOLO guy now.

Selma lives by Meatloaf's words. "I would do anything for a rose...but I won't do this."

I'm with Crazy Selma. A Mr. Deeds foot is not cute. no no no.

The Loch Tierra Monster emerges from the icy waters and seems totally fine until she's not and convulsing in the arms of the Medical Squadron: Canadian Edition.

The bitch was still wearing her time piece.

Tierra is the only one whose makeup went coon status after the polar plunge.

Everyone else: "This was so cool. Best experience ever! OMG I loved it!"


I hear a sympathy rose calling her name.

Leslie: "She's like.. DY-YING from frostbite."

Sure, Leslie, that's what's happening. You can go re-comb your aggressive hair part now.

Sean appreciates Leslie. I don't appreciate her severe hair part. She has so much hair on that one hemisphere of her head I'm shocked her neck doesn't snap.

Sarah acts like a Kardashian/Janice from Friends hybrid who just took a bunch of NyQuil.

True life. 
Lindsay is an eager beaver. Watching them make out reminds me of Emily and Arie trying to devour each other's faces last season.

"Look at this photograph"- Sarah.

Proof that Nickelback lyrics and concepts ruin lives.

Sarah showed Sean her family photos and he just isn't feeling it.

Break the wrist. Walk away.

Pull it off, like a band aid.

This is a good thing, though. I was running out of arm jokes.

Desiree: Round 2

I look up from my laptop and Desiree is freaking out about repelling down a mountain.

What is with all of this outdoorsy business?

Take her to the movies Sean.

Go see Lincoln.

Fuel a political discussion.

A picnic in a meadow..next to some mountains with an awkwardly desperate brunette.

Am I watching Twilight?

Desiree lived in a tent.


"I opened up about spending part of my life in a tent and now I'm falling in love in a tee pee."

I can see that quote sweeping the twittersphere already.

It has been scientifically proven that the following equation leads to the receiving of a rose:

Life-threatening date + story about childhood suckiness + "I just want to marry my best friend" = Rose City


Selma needs to put her face on his face. Her strict parents will have to turn the other cheek and let their girl get what she needs.
Lindsay's inner child that is always present

She got it. Not sure if Sean was into it.

We'll see how the night unfolds.

Lindsay is a drunk thirteen year old Belieber trapped in a Young Barbara Streisand's body.

There's a lot of making out going on tonight.

 Do mono breakouts ever happen?

The herp?

I  just hope everyone got their flu shots.

Tierra hunted that dead animal hanging around her neck herself. She went out into the Alberta wilderness and lured it into a trap with her smokey eye and fake tan.

Selma and Daniella are outta here.

Selma is a big girl and will get over this quickly.

Daniella, you are 24. This is not your last chance at love.

Go to a bar.
Meet a guy.
Talk about...cheese.


They get to go somewhere warm.

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