Monday, March 4, 2013

The Women Tell Us Everything We Already Knew.

Tonight, a very special edition of the Bachelor: The Women Tell All.
Apparently this season is the best by far and the ratings are off the charts thanks in large part, to Sean's abs. Tonight's episode is also brought to you by all of the women scorned by Sean's love and rejection.
Chris and Sean do their own rendition of Wedding Crashers and show up randomly to Bachelor viewing parties AKA, lots of lonely women who take this show seriously. They even showed up to a sorority house, surprised a room full of Delta Gammas where they then sat and chatted about their majors, where they're from and talked about all the Greek Week trophies they've won.

said no one who reads my blog ever. 
The women are introduced and I'm outraged. WHERE THE HECK IS THE JUMBO TRON OPERATOR? Oh wait of course, it's hockey season- the busy season.

Let's not let a Tierrable situation be the first thing discussed, Chris. Let's create a nice build up over the course of the night and allude to it in promos before we want to gouge our eyes out.

Must you speak, Brooke? Must you harp on a topic that you know nothing about? These girls lived through the Tierrarism, they were in the trenches with her. They exchanged glares that radiated gamma rays of hate whenever that crazy bitch was around. Don't act like you know what's up, Brooke because YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY'VE BEEN.

Sean just tweeted that he is the one picking the tweets thats run across the bottom of the sceeen. If they suck my love for him may be compromised.

For the love of Sean Connery can you all SEE her frickin' eyebrow? It's making a run for her forehead. Retreating to her weave.

"I wasn't going there to find my best friend" she says. WELP. There ya go. Mission accomplished.

At least we know she can spell. Can she spell anything else? P-S-Y-C-H-O.

"I'm not calling you a liar I'm saying you lied to me." The start to every valid argument on this show.
Bottom line. Tierra doesn't want or need friends. She's her own best friend.

"When I was a girl I was Little Miss Nevada." Was your name also Lola, and were you a showgirl?

Sarah, we've missed you and your arm. Not really but whatever.

When she gets a manicure does she get it at half-price?

I like to think that she's gone as the Venus de Milo at least once for halloween.

I don't really need to see the Des/Sean montage. I just don't. Do you guys? Because I'm all set.

There is only one word for AshLee's face while she watched the montage, organized.

She doesn't love Sean anymore. She's "reeled in her feelings."

"I wanna beat you right now because you said it." 
I hope Sean and and Chris are really good friends outside of the show. Something about that bromance just feels right.

Sean looks smaller. He's been skipping leg day. Chris needs to be there with him at the gym. Friends don't let friends skip leg day.

There are bloopers.

There are shirtless Sean bloopers.

Praise be to whey protein.

Next Week On The Bachelor
The final rose is given and possibly  most definitely a proposal. I've read spoilers because I have no will power but I won't ruin it for the rest of you.

So who will it be?

Looney Lindsay? Quirky Catherine?

Thank Beyonce its my Spring Break next week so I won't be frantically studying for another Art History Exam after blogging.

I hope you all are grateful that I sacrifice my academic integrity by ignoring about 50 Byzantine-Renaissance flashcards from the hours of 8-11 PM.

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