Thursday, August 15, 2013

I Am The One Who Knocks On Your Door and Asks for a Tissue Because Fans Will Be Sobbing After This Show Ends

Sorry for the delay on this post. The commute to Manhattan every day has me in a zombie-like state by the time I come home. 

Last Season on Breaking Bad, the level of crazy escalated at the same rate as Amanda Bynes' insanity. 

So naturally, this premiere had viewers champing at the bit to see how Hank would handle the discovery of Walt's secret, how the show would go on without Mike, and if Jesse finally found a pair of pants that fit him. 

They open with the usual 5 minute scene where there's no dialogue and it just builds the tension up that much more. 

We see that this first scene is a flash forward segment with a hairy Bryan Cranston. The house is torn apart and we're expected to believe Walt has either been presumed dead or something REALLY good happens in the finale that causes the neighbor to drop her bag of groceries in shock.

This is all great tension-building stuff, don't get me wrong. But all the while I'm internally screaming, "WHERE'S JESSE?!"

Hank's panic attack is similar to the ride from the Chocolate Room in WIlly Wonka. 

There's no earthly way of knowing
                                                       Which direction we are going
                                                There's no knowing where we're rowing
                                                      Or which way the river's flowing

Finally we get a glimpse of Jesse. And for a treat, he is joined by Badger and Skinny Pete.

Badger's bad Star Trek episode needs to be put into production, ASAP. 

I'd watch this show. 
Oh wait, someone already did.
I need a 'Yeah, bitch' out of Jesse and I need it now.

Depressed Jesse is riveting though. Here he is giving his $5 million to Mike's grandaughter and the dirt bike kids family.

So, Skylar and Walt are solely living off of the car wash? Oh, right, and all that dirty drug money. Casual.

Andrea makes an appearance at the car wash and I wish Mike were still alive to threaten her. Skylar sure as hell isn't intimidating enough.

Walt visits Jesse and can you all sense the parallels? All they need now is a Winnebago and some tighty whities and we're back in business. 

Scene cut to Saul's waiting room and a pissed Jesse, smoking a joint to get what he wants. 

Do not tell me Jesse is going to give this hobo all the money. This hobo who looks like a thin and and older Quest Love from The Roots gets a stack of cash.

The Hank and Walt showdown is inevitable. Except I didn't expect the tracker to be brought up and the showdown to happen so early in the season. When that garage door goes down you know it's about to get real.

Walt pleads with Hank to stop and think. With his cancer returning he explains that, "In six months you won't have someone to prosecute." 

I'm usually all amped up for a good Heisenberg monologue, but this was border line groveling. Granted, it's groveling that shows how this character still retains a sense of crippling fear and love for his family. 


Don't overlook the fact that this show is so freaking brilliant that the entire series is summed up in a chemistry metaphor within the first seven minutes of the pilot.

And if you don't think that's the tightest shit, then get out of my face. 

I mean, it's like they're ripping the side block out of my mental Jenga. 

Until next week, kids...

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Say what ya want- but if it's negative I'll cut a betch.