Thursday, May 12, 2016

Jojo's League of (Subpar AF) Gentlemen

I know I don't really write here anymore because I have a job and a life and about 6 seasons of Nurse Jackie to get through on Netflix. But this batch of bachelors are BEGGING me to write this post.

In my opinion, Jojo has her work cut out for her this season. From what I've seen on the ABC Website, only a hand full of these guys seem even remotely promising.

Shall we meet some of them?

With his stressful job as "Hipster," we already know Brandon was into The Bachelorette before it was cool and is competing on this show ironically. He most definitely makes his own micro brew and has every Father John Misty album on vinyl "because it sounds better."

Judging by the name I thought ABC had messed up and accidentally casted a 12 year old girl who loves horses and writes fan fiction with centaurs and shit, but looks like it's just, well, this guy. 


Looks like Keith Urban had a baby with Billy Ray Cyrus and will get his achy breaky heart broken. 

The most Ben-looking bland man in the bunch. This could either freak Jojo out or keep him in the running until at least week 3.

James S.
Jimbo here says his occupation is "Bachelor Super Fan." He watches with his manicurist and Church group every week!

James Taylor

I'm not kidding. That's his actual name. He's seen fire. He's probably seen some rain. Did I mention he's coincidentally a singer-songwriter? Respect the ginger beard, but you know he's coming out of the limo with a guitar. 

James F.
Will last 3 hours into the first cocktail party where he will get sloppy drunk and a bit handsy before Chris Harrison himself will escort him off of the premises. Also, ew.

Nick S.
"Neckerchief Nick." That is all. 

Whether he be a prince (fabulous he, Ali Abawa) or strong as ten regular men (definitely), he could make it pretty far.

Voted Most Likely To Laugh Like John Travolta Playing Danny Zucko (and will probably get the First Impression Rose)

Good news Sandlot fans, Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez has come out of retirement, found the Fountain of Youth and joined this season of The Bachelorette

Coming in strong at 6' 2" (and a half) with Goodburger as his favorite movie.

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