HOT ASS SEAN's Date
|She is bat-shit crazy if she doesn't get all up in this.|
The evening part of the date gets incredibly sappy, per usual, and Sean reads a letter he wrote to Ricki that is supposed to make Emily jump his bones, skipping the invitation to the Fantasy Suite all together. Emily offers the key to H-A-S, but they decide to just "hang out all night" instead of getting buck wild. Whatever. Emily states that she doesn't need three more hours to figure out how she feels, and I breathe a sigh of relief thinking my boy is in the clear, even though he didn't get any ass.
BABY'S DAY OUT
Jef With One F must have been so psyched to get out on a boogie board and collect crabs on the beach! Oh wait... he has to hang out with West Virginia Barbie too. His hair, I must admit, is fascinating. Such body, such a quaffed quality that Arie is so obviously trying to imitate. JWOF and WV Barbs cuddle and snuggle and have serious discussions, all led by Jef. His guidance counselor must have suggested that he practice his critical thinking before the fall PSATs, so he shot Emily some important questions about her relationship with previous men, Ricki, and her stance on Team Edward or Jacob.
|"I'll spin dis bitch a plate...bitches love plates".|
The evening part of the date had me sitting on the edge of my seat when Emily asked the kid to the Fantasy Suite and he actually acknowledged that THIS IS A TELEVISION SHOW AND PEOPLE WILL SEE WHAT THEY DO OR DO NOT DO IN THAT FANTASY SUITE. So he takes the sensible choice and he and Emily "hang out" for the night instead of swiping his V-card. Two things can be assumed by his choice... 1) He's only 16 and the age of consent in Curacao is unclear to both him and the ABC producers who promised him an Xbox to be on the show, so they can't take any chances. 2) Jef With One F may actually have two F's in his first name, and the truth would hurt Emily too much during this time of extreme vulnerability...oh and he's gaga for sausage.
ARIE AND HIS HUGE HANDS/FEET
These two are in the perfect environment because they are surrounded by aquatic life and Arie loves to mack on Emily, fish face style, to the point where she is so overcome with his "hotness" that she can't even offer him the key to the Fantasy Suite because she will lose her mind and do some sick and twisted Fifty Shades of Grey shit.
Baby Jef gets the first rose... the music escalates...the men look nervous, Sean is obviously sweating, and Arie's skin is making a familiar transformation back to the pigment of lemon... I try to squeal but no sound comes out... only horror and heartbreak when poor HOT ASS SEAN gets sent home and Holland-death-grip-on-Boats, Arie smugly receives the final rose.
I can't make fun of Sean and Emily's post-rose chat before he gets into the infamous black SUV. It was very sad and you could tell he really loved her...and she kinda loved him- but obviously loved
Chris Harrison realizes how stupid his job is and looks into Dancing With The Stars to confirm the fatality of his career after this season.
The Men Tell All is next week and all I can really hope from this episode is some much anticipated Tony-Doug Daddy bonding time and Kalon repeatedly applying chap stick as DJ Stevie tries to teach everyone how to Dougie.